This all probably made a lot more sense to my small group as we lazed around my backyard talking of vanity and living lives full of meaning. Studying Ecclesiastes raises many questions that are without easy answers. I won't go into any full-depth theological discussion (though small group has really been amazing for that), but we did stumble across the difficulty of questions posed by a world that looks around and sees nothing meaningful or of worth.

"How can you believe in a God that can create something meaningless? Show me the love in this creation" etc. We live among those who love reason and place high value on logic, and they want to see reasons for believing in God despite the mess around us. Those who know not Christ would like to see *this, this, and that therefore (.:.) God* whereas I approach situations by saying *God .:. this, this and that.* God has shown himself to me to be true, through ways that are not easily explained. Because I believe God to be true, all-loving, all-knowing, and all-powerful, I accept that he has a complete working knowledge of the way things are, that he has power to influence change, and that he has wisdom and love despite occasions where I may think "I would do that differently if I was God." So when I'm asked how I can accept that God is all-loving when there exists pain and injustice, my response is that God has allowed it, and he has his reasons. Who am I to question Him? But because I know that he has love, knowledge, and power beyond all human reasoning, I trust that though it appears to me that things are out of his control, this is a problem in my perception, and not a problem in his person.

I don't know if you're following me, but I believe certain truths about God, and they colour my perceptions of the world. This is backward from building my picture of God from what is available to my senses. But how do I know that these things are true? What allowed me to reach these conclusions about God when they don't always seem to play out in nature? Hm. Good questions, to be sure. The Bible, prayer, life in general- it has all reinforced time after time my belief in the Almighty. Now I look at life, and when faced with difficulties, think "God is, therefore."

There comes a point when we need to put reason behind us and accept what we know to be truth. If you take a look at history, God really seems to like forcing us to be dependent on him when things are bleak. scary, or confusing. It's what makes faith faith. When Moses saw the Promised Land and died, and Joshua took over to lead the Israelites, and they came to the edge of the river Jordan, no doubt they were excited. But before they could reach the land of promise, the priests needed to step into raging flood waters of the river carrying the ark of the covenant. They had to essentially give up their lives and dive in before the Lord would dry the river and give them a passage to cross. The promise was there, but it came with a challenge. After taking this massive risk they reach the blessed shore. Now what? God wants them to kill off the inhabitants of the land. . . and oh yeah, they're gigantic. Now, go capture Jericho. What's that? Your weapons will be some jars and trumpets. Oh great, God. We're going to annoy them to death? Time and time again we have tests of trust and abandon in the Bible. People are asked to sacrifice their children, leave their cities, families, jobs- and sometimes, these sacrifices just didn't make sense from any human standpoint.

This is where we need to understand that we do have distinctly and utterly human vantage points. We look at life at times and the plans of our Creator may appear to be absent or entirely messed up. God may look downright wrong. But we have a very limited range of sight, and a minuscule capacity for interpreting what we see.

The application I see here is that when I come across a conundrum and I don't know why life is taking turns, I just need to trust who God is. Trust that God is. Because I know him, and know his precepts, I need to act based on what I know to be right even when I don't want to, when I don't feel like it makes sense, when I'd rather be sinning, when I'm not doing it out of love of God or of truth. . . because I know truth, I am responsible for living by it. And as I live by truth and act, God will reveal his purposes in his perfect timing, and I will learn to act not simply because I know, but because I love what I know. In the interim, I will act because I know my God is, and I know what is right. And maybe God will show us the purpose to his ways, and maybe things will make sense later. . . but they shouldn't have to. If outcomes aren't ones that you like, this should not change your picture of who God is. Just be content to obey and to trust.

So I guess what I'm getting at is to let your knowledge of Christ impact the way you view the world and life situations, instead of letting life situations dictate who you will believe Christ to be. And then when you come to difficult passages, to difficult decisions, to hard life situations, you can rest in this knowledge and proceed in truth. This will look silly to the world around you that sees what is before it and mocks your God, but God's wisdom is man's folly.

I was going to write out a little equation to show you how my belief in God and the Bible is circular, but I haven't the energy at the moment. I'm not even entirely certain what I wrote has followed any logical progression as I'm trying to grasp at some vital points in our conversations this afternoon. We kind of spoke to challenges and crises of faith in light of difficult scriptures and our knowledge of the Bible as a whole and the nature of God as revealed in scripture. God's nature is my constant.

I love logic, but I don't think my God fits into my finite grasp on the universe around me. . .

Missing: Jeremy! They've got him in Grand Prairie. He's been there since Friday and will remain there until Thursday. Grr. For those that didn't know it, Jeremy and I have been dating for a bit over a week now =) !

Ecstatic about: my haircut

Enjoying: my pencil set and sketchbook, the smell of the green and great outdoors in my bedroom, the play of light and shadows this evening, the sounds of small birds chirping. The company of some friends that are traveling down the same road that I am.

Hoping: to land a job that will last the duration of the summer. Temping is unnerving.